The search for "It"

We're all searching for something….whether it's Mr. or Mrs. Right, butt loads of cash, the hottest wheels on the road, CEO status, supermodel legs….or ultimate orgasm! We may be looking for the wildest, craziest, most happening party scene or just a simple, quiet life! Whether we know it or not, we're all chasing something. I mean, how many people do you know who can honestly say, "I don't want anything!" Huh? Any? So, if we could boil down our search to just one word, what would it be? Love? Peace? Happiness? Security? Fulfilment? Perfection? Home? It?

See, the strange thing is, we all know there's something more, only we don't know quite what it is or quite where to look! Some of us think we do know what we want, only to discover once it lands on our doorstep, that "that's not really it either!" And, although we all seem to be following different goals and pursuits, we're ultimately all searching for that same mysterious, elusive thing, call it what you like! Only we're all searching in different ways, peeking round different corners and traveling at different speeds! Some of us are just casually wandering through life, turning over the odd stone every now and then to see what's underneath, while others of us are on a single-pointed "mission", and are madly ripping the place apart, diving into every nook and cranny. I guess those of us who aren't really bothered will just take the slow boat to China, while those of us who are really desperate will leap on the Orient Express. But either way, we're all searching for the answer to a question we don't even know! Well, that question is "Who are you?" and the answer is "you are already you!"

So why, you might ask, is there any point searching for something we already are? I mean, how dumb is that? And I would have to agree with you, only just because we've read something is so, doesn't mean we know it is so, and there's a whole Kilamanjaro of difference in that! And why, we might also ask, is this searching business all so arduous and mysterious? Well, it's not actually, it just appears that way. Paradoxically, coming to know U are U, is the hardest yet simplest thing you will ever do. I guess it's like long jump, the run-up itself takes a bit of effort, but once you're in the air - it's pretty much plain sailing!

Ironically, the search only seems difficult because we're not used to doing simple things! Looking for who we are is like a fish in the ocean looking for water. It's like looking for our own eyes. It's like shining a lamp in a cave and looking for the light! It's there, right there, and we know it's there, only somehow we just can't find it! Why? Because we're wearing dark glasses, because we have a filter over our eyes which stops us from seeing clearly what's right under our nose, and this filter is our very own mind and our thinking. As long as we think we know who we are, we won't be able to recognize who we are!

Essentially, until we know who we are, we will continue searching. Until our belly is full, we will remain hungry. Until we have the answers to the questions, "What is life?", "What is death?" and "Why on earth am I here?" we will keep questioning. Only when we are found, will the questions disappear and the answers with them! The fish in the sea is not thirsty and the real you is not hungry either!

Gee, you are you!

Gee, you are you! Sounds very simple, sounds very cute… but what exactly does it mean? Well, it took me over 60 years to get to this very moment where I can say, it means "you are already you!" You are already it, you are already enough! There's nowhere to go, nothing to do and no one to become! You are already absolutely perfect and complete as you are, only you don't know it yet!

See, the good news is that coming to know U, is not about creating, building or becoming someone new. It's not about changing, improving or healing yourself. You don't need to trade in the old U for a new U, because you're not "this U" OR "that U", you're both "U AND U"! All you need do is open your eyes and wake up to the true U! In fact, the journey home, is not about doing anything, it's about undoing everything you've already done! It's about getting off the train of thinking, trying and becoming, dropping all your mental baggage, stripping off all those layers of ideas that aren't really you, and finally getting naked!

And, the really great thing is, when you know who you are, you know who everyone else is too! When you see your own hot buttons, you see everyone else's too! Then you know, there is no problem I have, that you don't have too! Sure, we're all unique, got different main frames, CPU's and different wiring, so to speak, but fundamentally we're all the same machine! So, if I'm already me, then you must be already you!

G.U.R.U!

"Gee you are you" in American, spells G.U.R.U! What can I say? That's what we Americans do, we shorten everything and speed everything up! I call it fast-food writing, whether it's BFE, SOL or AFU! But anyway, we've all heard the word and bought the T-shirt, but what exactly is a guru?

The dictionary says it's a religious or spiritual leader or teacher. That's cool, only I like to think of a guru as any teacher or guide, anyone we meet on our life journey, since everyone and everything is spiritual anyway! Parents are our gurus, brothers and sisters are our gurus, lovers are our gurus, friends are our gurus and even our enemies are our gurus! Even "things" can be our gurus! Like the internet, for example, when it's crawling along slower than a slug, that's when I think I should maybe have more patience. I mean, really when you look at it, isn't everything teaching us something? In fact, the whole of existence is our guru; it's like one almighty Zen stick which just keeps whacking us over the head… until we wake up and smell the coffee!

Anyway, this book is not about finding a guru or me being your guru, it's about learning from the guru of life itself! Indeed, existence maybe the purest guru of all, as it leaves you to your own devices and doesn't tell you what to do, then conveniently highlights the consequences of your actions and gently points the way through! No, I am not a god or a guru, I'm just little 'ol me, sharing with little 'ol U, pointing to the big 'ol U beyond! And if you really must pin a label on me, then consider me a "friend" who is only too aware of the trials and tribulations of life!

Yeah! G.U.R.U is a book about YOU! I know at times, it may seem to be about me, but I'm only using me to illustrate you, and ultimately of course, there's no me and there's no you! See, my thinking is, if I can show you who I am, then maybe I can show you who you are! Then once you get clear about you and start seeing the cosmic joke, then we can have a good old laugh together!

Gee I am me!

By now, you're probably wondering, who is this Krishna Prem guy, and why is he qualified to tell me about me? So, let me introduce you to "gee, I am me!" Right from day one on planet earth, I was a seeker and a rebel. I felt I was searching for something and I felt I was different, different not only from all the other kids I knew, but different also from even my own brothers and sisters! I don't know, maybe everyone feels that way? But I definitely felt odd, like some kind of mis-fit! Maybe it was because I was the youngest of six children and my parents were much older than my friends' parents, although I had a pretty normal kind of name - "Michael".

I remember my elder sister wanted to get married but my mother, who was pregnant with me at the time, said to her embarrassingly, "Could you at least wait until Michael is born?" So I was born into a family with a sister who was 20 years older than me and a mother who was 20 years older than her. Immediately after I was born, my elder sister got married and went off to live her own life, while my mother found out she had breast cancer and became aware that she was going to die.

So there I was, a 1-year-old baby when my mother died, and so my older sister, Phyllis, took all the responsibility of raising me. Of course, I don't have any memories of my birth mother, but I do have many memories of my sister, whom I called "Mom", and my wonderful loving relationship with her. But from my belly, even as a baby, even though I loved her like a mother, I knew she wasn't my real mother. My father, who was a wealthy man in a small town, basically a big fish in a small pond, insisted that my sister-mother stayed at home and didn't go out to work, so she could cultivate a good relationship with me. So, you can see how quirky the situation was; my father was my father, my mother was my sister, but my mother was also the daughter of my father! And of course, because my "parents" weren't husband and wife, they didn't behave like husband and wife, so when the going got rough, which happened a lot, they never kissed and made up or let off steam through sex!

So, even though I had a comfortable childhood, I didn't have a normal upbringing and even though, I felt a certain love and caring from my sister-mother, I didn't feel that unconditional love and acceptance that only a mother knows how to give. Then when I was aged 9, my father died, and I remember feeling a tremendous sense of relief that he wasn't going to be around anymore, and that now I could be alone with my sister-mother. My father and I had never really been close, and I think it was basically because he was trying so hard to not get in the way. But I do recall he would often look me in the eye and say, "Someday, I'm going to teach you everything I know!" That day never came.

It was only years and years later, that I thought, "My god! Perhaps, I shouldn't have been so happy about not having parents!" Maybe other kids would have felt really upset about not having their parents around, but for me it felt somehow OK. Perhaps, that's why I always thought of myself as a little strange, as a bit of a madman, because somehow I always seemed to do everything backwards in life, always seemed to look at things upside-down. I was always laughing when others were crying or seeing the humour in something quite dark. And I think, that's why I started questioning life so early and why I went on this search!

School sucks!

As I say, right from early childhood, I was curious about life! I was always asking questions about where I came from and where everyone else came from too, for that matter. I recall when I was 13 years old, the local Rabbi kept telling me that God was Jewish, that he was Jewish and that I, Michael, was Jewish too! And instead of just saying "yes" and keeping quiet, I kept on asking him back, "but who was God, before he became God? But who were you, before you became a Rabbi?" And bi-passing my questions completely, he used to answer, "That's none of your business! Just, get a good education, become a lawyer and marry a nice Jewish girl!" And even though I didn't like his line at all, you can see, that just by trotting off to business school, I was already biting the bullet!

So, I went and "got a good education", did the BSc thing and duly graduated from business school. I did the whole fandango, but my god, it wasn't me. I mean, I just wasn't interested in how the world began or the signing of the Magna Carta in the year 1512 or was it 1215? (I have to check that!) I wasn't interested in what happened hundreds or thousands or millions of years ago. I didn't care about 16th century period dress or what the dinosaurs ate for lunch. I was only interested in where I came from and who I was! Deep down, I thought that everyone else was too. Don't get me wrong, I don't think education is a bad thing, I think it's only natural to want to learn about all the weird and wonderful things in the world, and it's only natural to want to learn about ourselves too!

So, my way of dealing with my "education problem", my weight problem and my teeth-grinding, was to just pop a few diet pills in my mouth, go for long walks, and contemplate life! But, the questioning didn't go away. No, the search didn't stop, it just went on and on, for years and years!

Becoming an official seeker!

I remember when I was 28 years old I left for London to be a legal drug dealer, I became a bartender for 2 years before I going to India. I didn't say a word to my family about going more East. Even going to Europe was a big risk in their eyes. So while I was in India, I would write postcards as if I was in London or Paris. I would then find someone who was actually going there, to send them home to my family, just so they wouldn't get worried or nervous. But I'll never forget when I returned to America a year later, having been initiated into meditation by an enlightened master, stony-broke and needing to make some money to stay alive!

So, there I stood on my sister-mother's doorstep, wearing orange pajamas and a string of wooden beads round my neck (which was what all disciples of Osho were wearing at that time), a beard to my knees, wild, crazy hair and my eyes aglow, looking thousands of years old - basically unrecognizable to the real world. Shitting in my pants, I rang the front door bell. When my mother opened the door, she first looked me up and down and then said "I always knew this was going to happen to you!"

This is, I imagine, what all parents say when they have a strong feeling about how their kids are going to turn out! And there I was, thinking it was going to be such a shock for her, but it wasn't, it wasn't shocking at all. You know, it's pretty hard to fool your mother. Besides, she'd always known that I wasn't interested in material things and that the only thing I'd ever been curious about was who I was and where I'd come from. In a strange way, I loved what she said to me, because it meant she really knew me.

So, as you can see, I was always more focused on the big picture, on existence itself, rather than the little, local me. Somehow, I had always known that there was more to life than met the eye. Somehow, unlike my father who had been happy with his little pond, I had always felt there was a much bigger pond to swim in. And I share this with you, not because you need to "do what I did", suddenly drop everything and go to India to find a guru, although the truth be told, you don't find them, they find you! No, that's what I did, that's what I needed, but maybe you need something different? Maybe what you need is to crawl around on the ground like a small child and just explore everything as if it's brand new. Or maybe what you need is five years of full-on therapy, or to visit the oldest, longest beard in the Himalayas and ask him to share the mysteries of the universe with you? I don't know! Only you know what you need, only you know what works for you!

Like I say, I'm not encouraging you to be a weirdo or a drop-out, just to step back a little from your everyday world and question life itself and who you really are! You don't have to do 30 years in India to do that, you can do it sitting in your armchair! You don't have to have a guru to do that, just an open mind and a sense of humor! Yeah, we're all heading out and we're all heading home,
And although we're all traveling in different trains, we're all going to end up in the same railway station!

Tie up your own camel!

My master once told me, and I love it, "My head on my shoulders is a great idea. My head on your shoulders is a very bad idea." In other words, whatever I say is for me and needs to be lived by me, and doesn't automatically apply to you. I'm sharing this with you, because I've been round the block a few times and I've picked up some useful insights into life, which may help you along the way and save you some time! But it's up to you to decide whether to pick up and play with what I say or throw it away. Go on, try my shoes on and take a walk in them! Even if they're not your size, they're not gonna ruin your feet! Play with these ideas and find out which ones work and which ones don't! Surely, some 60 year old dude, whose spent 30 years in India, must have something useful to say?

But, decide for yourself what's good for you! Don't rely on me or others to tell you what to do! Respond to your own life and go with what you feel attracted to, regardless of how crazy it may seem! I think it was Buddha who said, "Be a light unto yourself," and I know it was Osho who said, "Be a joke unto yourself!" Yes! Following your own light and taking responsibility is the way to go!
That reminds me of a beautiful Sufi story. It's about a gentleman who is praying to God and while he is praying to God his camel runs away. So he complains to God, "Look, here I am praying to you and my camel runs away." And God replied, "So tie up your camel first and then pray!" In other words, don't blame me for your actions and choices, take responsibility for your own life. I can't live your life for you, you can't live your life for me. We all have to tie up our own camels!

What's your story… morning glory?

Well, that's enough about me, what about you? What's your story…morning glory? Come on, everyone has a story! Probably it runs along the same lines as mine. "Born in 19 hundred and something, raised in Marblehead, Massachusetts, went to Gremlin High, loved baseball, hated Math, got laid, got a job, got married … and so on and so forth!" Well, that's just the basic outline!
Add to that all your individual good and bad luck stories, your juicy dramas, fascinating coincidences and passionate encounters, and you too have a unique and incredible tale to tell!

And like me, you've probably told your story a gazillion times or so, at least, mainly to unsuspecting victims at parties! And like me, you have probably spiced up your story a bit, by adding in a few extra details here and taking out a few extra details there, just to make it more exciting and entertaining! Don't worry! We all do it!

And, I used to compare my story with other people's stories and I used to think, "my god, poor Michael!" until I realized that it's not like everyone else had the same warm, fuzzy story apart from me! Sure, we all get a different kick-start in life; some of us get off the blocks smoothly and some of us trip over at the starting line! We're all having different experiences and leading different lives. There isn't a normal person, normal family or normal life out there. Everyone's life journey is totally unique! Even identical twins, born of the same egg, brought up by the same parents in the same family, in the same home, have different perspectives, experiences, stories and lives, and if you really get close, they even have slightly different appearances too! Yes! I guess we're all a little odd!

An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that's a bit of a strange question coming from someone whose dick is on his face!"

But ultimately whether our life stories are different or the same doesn't really matter. The question is… "Is my life story me?" "Is your life story you?" I mean, isn't that ongoing tale we tell and update each year, really just data we have gathered together about ourselves? And if that's the case, then "Who am I?" and "Who are you?"

Who am I? Who are you?

Have you ever stopped to question who you really are? What did you come up with? Some definite ideas, vague feelings or maybe just some good old plain "don't knows"? You know, there's nothing wrong with "don't knows"! In fact, "don't know" is a really great place to start, because when you already think you know, you're not open to learning anything new. When you've already got it all sussed, no one can tell you anything! And when you already think you know who you are, you're not open to searching for the true U! I like that line, "Those of you who think you know, piss off those of us who do!"

So anyway, "don't knows" are great! I know they always get a bad press out in the world, because doubt, especially self-doubt, isn't the in-thing at all, what with everyone out there raving on about self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem! But look at it again! A doubt is just a question. Doubting is just enquiring, which in terms of searching for U, is really healthy and useful! In fact, doubt or enquiry is what the whole scientific process is built on. Science basically enquires and enquires until it finds out what's true. And as much as we might think the search is all about trusting, trusting, trusting, which is certainly part of it, it does in fact involve a lot of questioning, enquiring and investigating. Indeed, it begins with a seed of doubt in our mind, with a nagging question, whether it be, "Who am I", "What am I doing here?" or "What is true?" I think it was Osho who said, "do not repress doubt, but go into it, doubt, doubt, doubt until you find the indubitable!"

Who do you think you are?

"Who do you think you are?" Sounds rude doesn't it? Probably because we imagine some buxom woman with her hands on her hips shouting it out in a frighteningly loud voice! But what I'm trying to get at here, is that when we ask that question, what thoughts spring to mind? "I'm a man", "I'm a woman", "I'm nice", "I'm wicked", "I'm sexy"! That's the point, whatever we come up with, comes from our mind and our thinking. We use our minds to define who we are. We think, analyze, imagine and invent who we are, rather than putting our thoughts aside and seeing who is already there!

See, there's a big difference between thinking and knowing who we are! Thinking involves actively using the mind and having thoughts, while knowing involves putting the mind aside and having no thoughts! How can I explain it? I guess, it's the difference between thinking about the taste of coffee and actually tasting it! Say for example, you've never tasted coffee before. You could try and imagine what it tastes like, from the smell of it or the look of it, or you could ask someone to try and describe it to you. However, imagining the flavor is just not the same as actually putting your lips to the liquid and actually tasting it!

In a nutshell, thinking about who you are, isn't the same as knowing who you are, and when you know who you are, you just can't describe it to anybody! You can only hint and point and hope! So, before U can know U, we first need to take a peek at who you "think you are!"

When someone asks "Who are you?"… what do you say?

When someone asks us "who are you?" what do we say? I guess to some degree, it depends on the circumstances! I mean, we're someone's friend if it gets us in the door and we're not someone's friend if it keeps us out! We're Joe's brother if Joe is a super-cool guy and we don't even know Joe if he's a total nerd! We chop and change our story depending on what works for us at the time. It's normal, sexy and fun! Everyone does it!

But generally when someone asks us "who are you?", nine times out of ten, we just say our name! We automatically come out with, "I'm John!", "I'm Jim!" or "I'm Jane!" or "My name is Zoe and this is my brother - Xavier!" God! It's like we're on auto-pilot! It's out of our mouths before we've even thought about it, because it's what we've been taught to believe and trained to say! It's like when someone asks "How are you?" we automatically reply "Fine! Thank you!" whether we are or not. And it's the same when an interviewer says, "So, tell me about yourself", and we reply, "Well, I'm 21 years old and I went to school at da-di-da and I graduated in '96…" and then we whittle on about what we've done and how perfect we are for the job….while the interviewer just sits back and yawns!

And it's OK! It's what we're expected to do in social situations, respond normally like other people! Our name and where we're from is our bus ticket into society. I mean it just doesn't look good if someone asks us who we are or how we're doing, and we answer, "Hmm, well, er, I don't really know?" But in some ways, it would be honest! The point is, that just as "I'm fine thank you" isn't the real answer to the question "How are you?", so "I'm Giovanni Francesco from Milano," isn't the real answer to the question "Who am I?"

So, what's in a name?

You're probably wondering how on earth I ended up with this name "Krishna Prem" and probably also wondering what it means! Well, it happened when I went to India and was sitting in front of Osho, for the very first time. So there I was, at the feet of this living master, as dead as a door nail, when I suddenly heard him say, "Would you like to take sannyas now?" Taking sannyas simply means being initiated into meditation. "Yes!" I replied and the next thing I heard him say was "..and your new name will be Krishna Prem, which means ecstasy and love!" "Oh, my god" I thought, "I can't believe he's given me a name like Krishna!" What can I say? It's really funny how quickly a moment can turn from bliss to shit. So in the same instant as I was beginning to fall in love with my master, I was also beginning to hate my new name! "Krishna Prem, Krishna Prem!", I tried it on a few times, but it was simply horrible, and I vowed never to repeat this name to anyone ever again! It took me years to grow into my name, to like my name and really understand it, that "Krishna" means one who attracts the divine, while "Prem" simply means love. God, my name was such a big deal at the time, probably because I thought it said something about who I was. But now it doesn't matter if you call me Michael Mogul, Krishna Prem or just plain "KP", like the nuts, because it's ultimately not me!

So, what's in a name? Are you really John, Jim or Jane? Are you the same as all the other Johns, Jims and Janes you know? What happens if you change your name, does your personality suddenly change also? What about all those cutting nick-names you received at school? Were you really "Fatso" or "Dummy" or "Shitface"? Maybe Mr. P. Nut and his wife Hazel are really a sane couple? Maybe Dick Head is a really bright guy? Perhaps Ms. A. Tit is a really switched on gal! What's in a name? Nothing!

If a master asks "Who are you?" and you tell him your name is James, he will just laugh! He will laugh because he is not referring to your body, or your mind, or the label your parents gave you. He will laugh because he is asking "Who were you before your parents made love?", "Who will you be after you no longer have a body?" and "Who is the you who is never born and never dies?" He will laugh because you have failed to investigate your true identity, what is called in the East, your "original face".

No, our name is not us. It's simply a convenient label, we use to avoid going round saying "hey you!" all the time! It's simply a useful way of identifying a particular body and mind, and it's ever so handy in the world of admin! No, we're no more our name than we are our passport number, our social security number or our PIN (pain-in-the-neck) code!

Do be do be do be dooo!

It's funny, but when you ask someone who they are, maybe after they've told you their name, they tell you what they do for a living. They might say "I'm a taxi driver" or "a tax officer", or even "a taxidermist"! Hmmm, I feel a joke coming on…

A guy is in the checkout line at a local super market, when he notices that the rather foxy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather surprised that such a 'looker' would be waving to him, and although she looks familiar, he can't quite place where he knows her from, so he asks her, "Sorry, do you know me?"
She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful.
"My God," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I bonked on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my butt?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher."

See, there we go again! The blond thinks she's the guy's son's English teacher and the guy thinks she's a stripper! Most of us spend so much time working, that we think our job, our profession, our latest promotion or demotion is who we are. Adults pass this idea of "we are what we do" onto us as kids, so as kids we then begin to think we are our good or bad school reports, our shiny trophies sitting on the mantelpiece or our confiscated toys! We learn to feel good about our achievements and bad about our failures, great about our wins and shit about our losses!

If we're not identified with our job, then we might be identified with our actions or behaviors, or even our habits or addictions? But, just because we drink, smoke or sniff glue, doesn't mean that's who we are. People say "you are what you eat!" but that doesn't make us a cheese burger or a hot dog now, does it? Just because we shout "fucking asshole" at the truck driver that nearly took our toes off, doesn't mean we're crass, or angry or bad. Just because we mind our "p's and q's" doesn't mean we're the most cultured person on the planet. Alternatively, maybe we think we're our kind or unkind acts, the dog we saved, the cat we ran over, the money we donated to charity or the bathrobe we stole from the hotel.

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was keeping vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said.
"Rest! Shhh! Don't talk!" he was insistent.
"Susan," he said in his tired voice, "I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother."
"I know," she replied, "That's why I poisoned you."

Now, I'm not saying that what we do and say, doesn't have consequences or effects in this world! For sure, what we do and say shapes what we manifest in life. For sure, we are responsible for our behaviors and actions, only are they who we are? There's so much emphasis in our society on doing, doing, doing, but when are we going to cut down on the doing and enjoy a little more being? When are we going to stop being only a "human doing" and start being a "human being" as well?

Who does what?

Many athletes talk about getting in the "zone". What they're referring to is doing an activity until they realize that they are no longer doing it, and it is happening by itself. Many marathon runners have reported that somehow after running and running for miles, they then get into a zone where they literally just sit back, relax and watch the running happening. It happened to me one time, after running 8 miles. All of a sudden, I found my body was running while mysteriously, I or some part of me, was sitting back on my own shoulder, simply watching it all happen! Great, effortless effort!

Meditators experience the same thing; they get into a space where they start to see themselves doing things, yet feel they are not doing it. They are even watching themselves meditating. So, if we are somehow able to sit back and watch what the body is doing, then who are we and who is doing the doing? In spiritual circles, people boldly say, "You are not the doer!" but if you are not the doer, then who is? If you are not making it happen, then who is?

It's a very tricky question to answer, and later we'll delve into this topic in more detail. But for now, let's just say, do be do be do be dooo! It's not about doing OR being, it's about doing AND being both at the same time! In the small picture, our little local life, we're doing, while in the big picture you're just being! Life is not only about enjoying what you do, it's about enjoying who you're being too! Period!

Are you your Ferrari?

Another interesting idea we have, is that our things, possessions or assets somehow reflect who we are. In short, we are what we own! What we have helps either improve or discredit our image. So, in order to be someone important, impressive and special, we not only need lots of things but preferably expensive ones! You guys will probably need a lush bank account, a property portfolio and either a Mercedes or a Rolls Royce, while you gals will probably need a humungous diamond ring, wardrobes of designer clothes and a Gucci watch, or two! Then you're all set to party down, hit the town and strut your stuff! And I'm no different than you! I always thought I needed a flash car to impress the chicks, and I needed a flash car and a flash chick to impress the guys, although, god knows, why I thought I needed to impress the guys?

So there you are guys…you jump into your first Ferrari, you pay cash, and you are sitting in the driver's seat revving up the engine! All of the sudden, right then, right there in the show room, you feel for just a moment, that there is nothing else you could possibly want in the world. You close your eyes and you think "I am home! I have finally made it! Everything is now perfect!" Then, you open your eyes as the salesmen taps on the glass. Then, you open your window and when he says your check has cleared, you drive your spanking new car out of the show room! But then, only 2 seconds later, you see a juicy, young blonde walking down the street, and almost immediately, you think to yourself, "now, if that blonde would just jump into this car next to me right now… I would have everything I want!"

And there it is! For one moment, you have everything you want, you are home, you have made it, you are it, and the next you don't! It's like having an orgasm; for one second you are completely satisfied, your mind is silent, your body is relieved of tension and you are just lying there perfectly content. Then, in the next moment you are wanting to have sex again! Yes, for one glorious moment, in between one desire being fulfilled and another desire being launched, there is no desire at all. Then almost immediately, the mind jumps in again and says "I could have more!", "I could be even greater!" "Life could be even better!"

And that's the way it goes, nothing wrong with it, that's what the mind does. It thinks there's more, it convinces you there's more, and that even though you're doing OK, you're still not really complete. It desires more and more. That's the way it jabbers on, "…as long as you have more things… as long as you do what I want, you're going to be a great success!" So we spend all day long, trading in our Mercedes Benz for a Rolls Royce in our heads, and believing we are that Mercedes Benz or that Rolls Royce! We spend our whole lives striving for bigger or better or faster things, constantly trying to upgrade who we are, when in reality we are just chasing our own tail!

But, wait a minute! Are you what you have or own? Are you your California got-rocks mansion or your one-bed condo in Cheezeville? Are you your skateboard or your Lamborghini? Are you your Wal-mart discount card or your platinum American Express? Is this what you add up to? Now I'm not saying, don't have a nice life, don't have nice things, just throw them all away, renounce the world and pick up your begging bowl! No, enjoy them, in fact buy more, but just don't get caught up in thinking they're U or you need them to really be someone! Waking up to the true U, doesn't mean you shouldn't have that Ferrari, it means you know it's just a car!

What about my silicone cleavage?

Ah! Now we get to the body! Let's face it, we're probably all pretty identified with our body. It's tricky not to think of ourselves as this huge lump of flesh and bone we carry around. I mean, who doesn't think of themselves in terms of their height or weight? Who doesn't notice if they are a small, medium or large, or extra large? Who doesn't compare the color of their skin, hair and eyes, the size of their nose, ears and lips? What guy doesn't want huge pecks and a matching dick, what girl doesn't want slinky curves, pouty lips and perky tits? All the glossy magazines endorse the idea that we are our body, our style and our self-image! So we rush out and buy all the latest fashions, hair gels and lipsticks and tart ourselves up, because we think that's who we are. We're the tag on our jeans, the name on our watch! We're our silicone cleavage, our collagen lips and our bleached smile! Cosmopolitan says so! But just because everyone else thinks something is true, doesn't mean it's necessarily so!

On a small iceberg, somewhere near the North Pole, a little bear goes up to his mother and asks, "Mom, what kind of bear am I?"
"You're a polar bear, son," replies his mother.
"Are you sure I'm not a brown bear?" he asks.
"Quite sure, son," she replies; "you're a polar bear."
But the little bear is not satisfied; "Mom," he says, "maybe I'm a grizzly bear?"
The mother then asks him "Why are you asking these questions, son? You're a polar bear."
So the little bear goes over to his father, "Pop," he says, "Am I a panda bear?"
"No, son," says the father; "You're a polar bear."
"Not a koala bear?" asks the baby bear.
"No, a polar bear," says his father; "But, why are you asking all these questions?"
"Well," replied the baby bear, "if I'm a polar bear, then why am I so fucking cold?"

Maybe the little bear isn't a "polar bear" and maybe he isn't the stupid one here? Only because he repeatedly keeps being told he is a polar bear, does he come to believe this is so. It's the same with us. Because everyone around us keeps telling us that we are this body, so over time we begin to stop questioning if it's true and begin to start believing it is so. And on top of thinking we're our body's vital statistics and looks, we're also thinking we're our body's age! "How old are you?" we gaily ask each other. "Oh, "I'm 20" or "I'm 30!" or "I'm 40 something!" comes the reply! When really, it might be more accurate to ask "How old is your body?" and to answer, "Oh, 21 again!"

Straight, bi or gay?

Our identification with our body isn't just confined to how old it is and the way it looks! No, the story doesn't end there! There's our gender also! I mean, we must be either male or female, a man or a woman, a guy or a gal.

Why do men have hair on their chests? Well, they can't have everything!

Then on top of that, no pun intended, is our sexual orientation. Are we straight, bi or gay? I feel another joke coming on!

"An old cowboy went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"Well", he replied, "I've spent my whole life on a ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
"I'm a lesbian", the young lady replied, "I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. All day I think about women. Whatever I do, I think about women. When I take a shower, when I watch TV….everything seems to make me think of
women."
A little later, a couple of tourists came into the bar, sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" to which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Of course, we could then wander into the realms of sexual activity, and contemplate whether we are a total slut, frigid as the North pole or somewhere between the two! Whether we are our lacy bras, our PVC pants or our leopard-skin g-strings? Or maybe… let's not go down that avenue!

But look again, are you your body gender and your sexual orientation? Are you a "total man" with not an ounce of estrogen in your body? Are you "all woman" with not a molecule of testosterone in your body? Are you absolutely straight? Are you absolutely gay? Are you absolutely sure? Where is the dividing line? No really, where do U begin and end? With the borders of your skin?

I am not the body?

Wow! How easy it is to think "I am the body!" Why is this so? I think for those of us who grow up in the West, it's because there's so much emphasis on the physical and the material in our lives. Naturally, we think we are this body and that life lasts only as long as the body lives. While in the East, they think "I am not the body" and more often than not, say I am the soul that resides within it, or something else beyond.

It's interesting, that many people have experienced the phenomenon of leaving their body, or standing outside their body, which seems to suggest that they are not the body. Others meanwhile, have experienced doing things but feeling like they're not really doing it, not that someone else is, but that another part of them is running the show! So, if we are able to go beyond the body and watch what it is doing, then who are we?

It's easy to say the words "I am not the body", but really how many people don't get upset when you tell them they've put on weight or they're going bald, or don't perk up delightedly when you tell them they've lost weight or look gorgeously sexy today? Hmm, not that many! I can say "I am not my body" but if you punch me in the nose, I'm probably going to feel like I am my nose for a while, at least until the sensation wears off. It's so easy to get identified with this body, to either be pissed off with it when it's suffering pain, or happy with it when it's experiencing pleasure. But just because my body feels things, does that mean it's who I am?

See this is where both Western and Eastern thinking falls short. "I am the body" implies because my body is here, I exist. "I am not the body" implies that my body is here, because I exist. Both East and West have a piece of the puzzle but neither has the whole picture! Just because we experience having a body, doesn't mean we are limited only to this body! And just because we exist beyond the body, doesn't mean we are not this body also. In my opinion, it would be more accurate to say, "Gee, I'm the body!" AND "Gee, I'm beyond!"

My body, your body, everybody with my body?

So, we've talked about our own body, but what about other bodies, namely other people? How often do we get caught up in thinking that others are extensions of us, that others define us?

Say for example, someone in our family gets into big trouble, then we might think they reflect badly on us. Say, our best friend turns up wearing something totally geeky, then we might not want to stand close to them. Or we take our prized partner out with us to meet the boss and they fart during dinner, then we might just want to dig a big hole and climb in it! Conversely, if our best friend just won an Academy Award, we might feel really, really proud.

And I notice we do this with people we are close to, especially with our friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, husbands and wives. Somehow, we get all wrapped up in them and then think they represent us! It's as if we extend our i-dentity to include them. And it's easy to tell when it's happening, because usually we feel either proud or embarrassed! But are you the people you relate with? Are you all the things they do? Are you your solid relationship, your rocky marriage or your string of affairs? Do your gf's, bf's, friends and family, say anything about you?

Swimming in the think tank!

You know, some of us are more body-oriented and some of us are more mind-oriented. Hence, some of us are more likely to think we are the body, while some of us are more likely to think we are the mind. God, this opens a whole new can of worms! Some of us might identify more with what we have or do, while some of us might identify more with what we think or feel. We may see ourselves as our intellect or intuition, our knowledge or our IQ, our education or our qualifications. We may pride ourselves in being a fabulous philosopher, a mad professor, a technical whiz kid, or a gifted psychic or medium… or a large or a small! Or what about just plain street-wise, savvy or shrewd?

That reminds me of a very strange story. I had two sisters who for a while didn't talk to each other. I was 16 at the time and had a drivers license but, of course, I didn't own a car. Sometimes my sisters would lend me their cars, however the only time they wouldn't lend me their cars, was when I wanted to visit the other sister! So, if I was at one sister's house and I wanted to go to the other sister's house, I would have to hitch-hike there! My most memorable ride was when this girl named Eleanor picked me up once, and ended up becoming my first girlfriend!

Anyway, twenty-something years later, I somehow found myself hitch-hiking between my two sisters' houses again! By this time, they were getting along nicely, only on this particular occasion neither of them had a car available to lend me. So there I was, a 40 year old guy with a long beard and gray hair, now wearing maroon pajamas, hitch-hiking along the road, when suddenly a thought came into my mind, "What if my friend Eleanor came along and picked me up?" which was a funny thing to think, given that I hadn't seen her in 30 years, didn't know where she lived any more and I didn't know what she looked like. Yet oddly enough, I did remember her marrying that boy she dated after me. In fact, I think she left me for him, and I'll never forgive her for that, I mean, what a terrible thing to do Eleanor, really!

So there I was, going along in my little train of thought, when suddenly, a station wagon flew past me, then made a quick U turn and picked me up! As I opened the door, I saw a good looking woman and two children sitting inside, and believe it or not, it was Eleanor! Of course, we both went into shock, we both went into laughter, and we both remembered the first time we had met. It was cute, there was still that same energy between us, and it was freaky, that after all this time, she would just swing by and pick me up! Of course, because she knew exactly where I was going, she delivered me right to my sister's doorstep, telling me on the way, how she had just got divorced and was just starting to date somebody new. Then I don't know what happened to her, as we never stayed in touch after that.

Now, I'm not making any claims about being intuitive or psychic in any way! No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that a thought came in that moment, where it came from, I don't know, whether it was mine or Eleanor's, I don't know, but to claim this hunch as "my own", is to identify with it as who I am. I'd rather think of it as one of those beautiful co-incidences, one of those mysterious happenings in life! I'm sure, we've have all had them!

"I think therefore I am" … is bullshit!

Someone once said "I think therefore I am" and it sounds so profound, so noble that the whole Western world has based its identity on it. But, "I think therefore I am" is bullshit! "I think therefore I am" says because the mind exists and therefore so do I, when in truth it's the other way round, I exist and therefore so does the mind! "I think therefore I am" is like watching a movie and believing the movie is real and that the projector exists because of it. The reality is however, that the movie is only showing, because the projector exists! So, perhaps a more accurate statement would be "I am therefore I think!" U exist whether you think or not! Who you are precedes your thinking and fortunately, is not dependent on it!

Others think… therefore I am?

Who we think we are is one thing, who others think we are is a whole different ballgame! How often do we take on other people's ideas about us, as our own? Always? Sometimes? Never? Let's face it, probably more often than we like to think! After all, it only takes a few people to say, "Oh! He's so square!" or "God! He's so tight" or "Zowie! She's so gorgeous and sexy!" and then boom….suddenly we think that's who we are! And depending on our individual wiring, we'll either keep the compliments and chuck out the criticisms, or keep the criticisms and chuck out the compliments! But pretty soon we end up with a whole crowd of opinions in our head, most of which aren't even ours!

See, nobody lives alone, everyone lives with a crowd! Basically, every single person you have ever been involved with, is now living with you, in the sense that all their opinions and judgments, are still alive and kicking inside your head. Yes, every single comment, compliment and criticism is like a voice inside your head. And these voices are all talking to you, and advising you how to live your life. They're all telling you who you are, and of course, who you should be! But, you can't blame them for all hunkering down in your hotel, because it's you who invited them all in!

Only now your hotel is full, and the only person who wants to check out is you! And the only way to start emptying the rooms and clearing the lobby, is to start asking these people to leave! So, just tell them, "Look, I love it when you drop by, I love it when you're here, but right now, I just need some space!" So, as you become more and more ready to be yourself, the guests depart and the hotel becomes empty. See, only by removing other people's opinions about you, can you come to see your own opinions about you. In turn, only by clearing out your own ideas about you, do you have room to see the real U! This is the process of meditation, which we'll be talking about in a lot more detail later on!

The point is we rely on the mind, on either our mind or others' minds, to tell us the way life is. We give it the authority to tell us who we are. We listen to all its ideas, opinions and voices, "You're stupid!", "You're a bum!" "You're a couch potato!" and we believe they are us.

I am what my parents think?

And… whose voice tapes do we listen to the most? Those of our parents, guardians or whoever raised us. God! How many names and labels have we been given by our parents, and how many have we taken on as our own? What about all those lovely nick-names we received as a child, like "Choo-choo", "Bubsy" or "Peek-a-boo"? And all those fabulous statements like "you're a clutz!", "You're a dreamer!" or "you're too slow to catch a cold!" So, after years and years of hearing the same things day in day out, we soon find ourselves going round telling everyone… this is what we're like. While some of us quietly give in and sew the labels on our lapels, the rest of us embark on a mission, to somehow prove these definitions aren't us! And not only do we get wrapped up in who others think we are, but also their expectations of who we should be…

In every family, at least the ones I have known in the Jewish community, it seems as if every child is expected to follow suit. The eldest son goes to law school, enters the corporate sector, becomes a Wall Street lawyer and makes millions and millions of dollars. The second son is then expected to do the same, so he also goes to law school, only he ends up becoming a public defender and working for the American Civil Lawyers Union. Thus, every child who is expected to follow in the footsteps of an older sibling is inevitably destined to be a disappointment.

I don't think parents are ever happy with their kids, because somehow miraculously, all kids turn out differently than expected. However, it doesn't mean that just because our parents suffer disappointment, that something went wrong or that we're a failure. It only means they had an idea in their heads about how we should be! And how do you make God laugh? Tell her you've got a plan! Anyway, any wise parent will tell you, that every child is unique and is bound for different shores! So, we needn't worry what "they" think, because their opinions don't count! In fact, trying to be who anyone else wants us to be, is walking away from who we really are!

Sometimes, the process of discovering our true identity, involves disappointing others, departing from the "norm" and the "normal life path", but we should never let that stop us. I remember sitting in front of my master one time and saying to him, "You know, my family isn't having a good time with me being a sannyassin." A sanyassin being a seeker of truth or someone who is initiated into meditation. And Osho replied, "Well, that's normal, not many parents would be excited about that!" Of course, everyone there that night had a good laugh about the whole thing! And it is laughable! Not only did I think that being a sannyassin was my identity, but I also thought I was the approval or disapproval of my family. That's the reason I had been shitting my orange pants as I stood on my mother's doorstep, after returning home from India the first time, because I was worried about what she might think of me. Yeah, I thought her opinion mattered and she thought my behavior was me.

"I never slept with a man until I married your father!" a mother declared emphatically to her unconventional teenage daughter, "Will you be able to say the same thing to your daughter?"
"Yes, Mother," replied the girl, "only not with such a straight face!"

Going to the social opinion polls!

Aside from what the parents think, we also have to deal with what others around us think, in other words our social standing or reputation. This is how our friends, college mates, work colleagues, neighbors or the world at large see us. I call it, going to the social opinion polls! While some of us pride ourselves in having a good reputation, some of us get off on having a bad reputation! But whether we're popular or unpopular, famous or infamous, respected or disrespected, only matters if we care what others think. And why do we care what others think? Because we have been trained to see ourselves according to others, trained to compare and measure ourselves by others and to listen to others rather than ourselves. At grass roots level, we have been trained to believe there is an "other" in the first place!

We have also been trained to inform others of our social standing. We add letters before our names to let people know our social standing, marital status and gender, whether we are a Lord, a Knight or a Sir, a Mr or a Ms, or if we are a woman, a Mrs or a Miss! Then we add letters after our names, to let people know how educated we are, whether we are B.A., M.A. or Phd., an F.C.A or a C.E.O! And while some of us love the formal, grandiose titles, others of us are just as happy being known as "a nice guy", "a cute girl" or "a crazy dude"! I guess we all get off on different definitions, just as we all dig different flavors of ice cream!

But, at the end of the day, are you your social status and reputation? Are you other people's opinions, judgments and expectations? I notice, we have this big thing about judgments, judging and being judge-mental! But really, what's the big deal? Basically, a judgment is a thought, and judging is all the mind knows how to do. In fact, it's what it does best!

Every single thought we have is a judgment of some kind, albeit "the grass is green", "the dog is mangy", "the pizza is crap" or "that woman is a total bitch!" So what? Judgments are words, words are thoughts. Words and thoughts are like clouds floating in the sky; they come and go and they are not you. Just look at the newspapers - movie stars, pop stars and political stars are all the rage today and on the trash heap tomorrow! Are you what others think? Think again!

I feeeeel therefore I am?

I never heard anyone say, "I feel therefore I am!" but if they did, I would also have to say, that's bullshit! And I say that from experience! For most of my life, I thought my feelings were me! I thought I was moodiness incarnate, a happy-sad clown with more than my fair share of ups and downs! And at one particular time in my life, I thought I was my self-loathing and self-hate! It was a miserable time, which I refer to as "my war with me", and it began when I was called up by the US army to go and fight in Vietnam.

The thing was, I didn't want to fight, I couldn't find one good reason to fight, or any enemy worth fighting. In fact, the only fight I was willing to fight, was against my own army! So I went through that whole process they call a "court-martial" and it was all very difficult because I was in the U.S. Army Reserves at the time, well at least until I was deemed insane by an army psychiatrist, and promptly thrown out. Now the catch 22 situation here, is that when you're thrown out of the U.S. Army Reserves, you're automatically thrown into the U.S. Army, only the U.S. Army didn't want me either because I was, after all, insane.

So, I went through five years of confusion while the powers that be decided what to do with me. As you can imagine, this was not a happy period of my life, and my thoughts and feelings were all over the place. I mean, I didn't want to fight anyone, but on the other hand, I wasn't thrilled about not fighting for my country either. And… I didn't want to meet the enemy, but on the other hand, maybe this enemy had something to teach me. So there I was; I didn't want the army, the army didn't want me, but I also didn't want a black mark on my record. In the end, it took 5 years for the army to grant me an honorable discharge, and to this day I am proud of how my papers read: "Michael Mogul is unable to adjust to the military lifestyle." You got that right, guys!

So I took my papers and flew to London, England, where the only job I could get was as a bartender. There I poured drink after drink for the customers, and drink after drink for me, until before long I was happily unconscious along with everyone else in the bar! Many of my customers were really beautiful people, guys I had a lot of respect for, guys that had fought in World War 2 and had had half their faces blown off. You could still see the burn marks all over their bodies. And as I began to relate with them, I began to feel more and more jealous that they had been willing to fight for their country, that they had felt blessed by their country and that they were able to drink and enjoy their country, while I, on the other hand, had been unable to do what my country had asked of me.

As I talked with these guys so my misery and pain went deeper and deeper until one day I couldn't handle it anymore. So, I got really, really drunk, bought a one-way ticket, and got on the first plane available to India! Well, it wasn't quite as accidental as that, because you see, when you work till 2 in the morning in England, generally the only places still open to go and get a bite to eat at that time, are Indian restaurants. So, I ended up going for copious amounts of Indian meals and loving the food, loving the people, until one day, as I say, instead of going to the restaurant I just hopped on a plane!

On Valentine's Day in 1973, I found myself at a meditation camp in the Indian desert. The enlightened master, Osho, sat in a chair just in front of me, dressed in a simple white robe. I remember instantly falling in love with him while my self-hate kept growing and my dark, inner secret was killing me. Suddenly, out of the blue, he looked at me and said, "The revolution is inside yourself." In that moment I nearly died. It was like a bomb went off inside my head, because for me until that very moment, the revolution had been outside, the enemy had been outside, the army had been outside, my girlfriends had been outside, in fact my whole life had been outside, and I had hated it all. Yet, in that moment, I realized that I could drop this hate I had for myself, this fighting and even the war. I saw that I could go beyond these intense feelings and this intense pain and suffering that I just didn't know how to deal with.

As you can see, at that time in my life, I thought I was my feelings. I thought all that guilt, shame, sadness, disappointment and self-hate was me. But after years of meditating, you know what I found out? That my feelings weren't me. You see, who you are, precedes your feelings. Feelings only exist because U do! You were there first! Na, na, na nah! It's like you're the sky, and your emotions are clouds floating along in it. Some clouds are white and fluffy, some are menacing and grey and some shed rain, but they all naturally appear and disappear. Emotions are the same; they arise from thoughts, hang out in the body for a while, then as fast as they come, they go. That's what they do! So, whenever misery is knocking on your door, don't try and lock it out or push it away, just open the door and let it in! It can't stay forever - happiness has to follow! Besides, misery gives life meaning…misery is God appearing as an asshole!

See, the goal of life isn't to be devoid of emotions, isn't to be even-keeled 100% of the time! No, that's for robots! It's to allow the emotions to flow, and to know who you are beyond them! I have plenty of emotions swilling around in my tub, only I know they're not me! So, next time you're thinking, "God, I'm so angry", "God, I'm so depressed!" even "God! I'm so happy!" check out, is that me? How do you label yourself? temperamental or even-tempered? emotional, moody or volatile? open, vulnerable and sensitive? or closed, hard and insensitive? Watch what feelings you try hang onto and the ones you like to push away and ask, are they me? The truth is your fabulous thoughts, your beautiful moods and your sensuous body will come and go, but the big U always remains!

We are family... I got all my sisters with me!

I think I mentioned to you earlier that I came into this world through the backdoor window and landed in a very strange family! Anyway, when I met Osho, at 29 years old, having no parents, no job and no life, I decided then and there, completely unconsciously, that I would forego being a human being and skip straight to being a god! Of course, this plan backfired, and 20 years later, I went into therapy - "primal therapy" to be exact! So, if you don't know, primal therapy is all about going back to your childhood, dragging all the skeletons out of all the cupboards, and living out all the feelings you didn't experience at the time, to finally move beyond them! I love that bumper sticker: "Its never to late to have a happy childhood!"

So, it wasn't till I just turned 50 and discovered that I was still alive, that I realized I was going to have to look at my life from the basement up and get to grips with it all. So, I worked on my mother, my father, my adopted mother, my sister 16 years older then me and my sister one year older than me, all of whom had left their bodies by then. After a few days of really thrashing it out with my therapist, she said to me, "my god, your life is so mixed up, what with having two mothers, we're going to have to start all over again!" So we started over and what came out of the whole process was truly an amazing thing.

It was while we were playing games one day, that I realized that I had basically never been a kid. Because my parents weren't around, I always felt I had to take care of myself, even as a baby. So we played a cute game with some pebbles and a piece of string, and amazingly enough through this simple little device, I managed to connect with my real mother for the very first time, even though she wasn't alive and I was now 50 years old. It was strange, I was filled with deep joy at finally feeling her, yet at the same time a deep sadness that she was leaving. I could feel her pain around leaving my family, leaving my father and leaving me in the hands of my sister. And I wondered if she knew that I would never really feel the same way about my sister-mother that I felt for her. And amidst all my mixed-up emotions, I experienced a wonderful feeling of oneness, a knowing that although we had never really met, we had also never really been apart either.

Well, you might be thinking by now, "Oh poor little Micky! Poor little Krishna Prem! What a terrible time this must have been for him! What a hard life he must have had!" But that's not why I'm sharing this with you. The point is we all have, "bad luck" stories, "hard life" stories and "poor me" stories. We've all got them tucked away somewhere and we all wheel them out when we need a slice of sympathy. But the journey home is about seeing them and moving beyond! It's about coming to know I'm not my childhood, my family history or my family drama! And to really discover if what I'm saying is a crock of baloney or is actually true, you'll have to look more deeply into your life and your mind and spend some quiet time alone meditating!

Anyway, back to the story! So, while I was doing this primal therapy and was on the ground crying, I was also on the ground celebrating. I was thanking my mother for bringing me into this life. I was thanking everything that sucked in my life for bringing me to everything that is good in my life! I was thanking my pain and suffering for inspiring me to search and wake up! And if a Krishna Prem can wake up, so can any housewife in New Jersey, with three kids, barely getting through the day.

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew!

Ah, religion….touchy as it is, we must touch on it! I was born into a Jewish family, raised by Jewish people in the Jewish religion, but I am not Jewish! Because I wasn't very good at school, I had to spend a lot of time after school learning what most kids learned in school. So while most smart Jewish kids went to Hebrew school after regular school, I didn't go because of my learning disabilities. So at the tender age of 13, at my Bar mitzvah, which is the time when a Jewish boy becomes a man, I had had no religious training at all. However that didn't save me because Judaism, in a sense, is not a religion, it's a way of life! So, even though I didn't know shit about the Torah, at that point in my life, I already was Jewish from beginning to end anyway!
Besides, I do dig the jokes!

A man walking along Broadway was confronted by a business girl whispering, "Love for sale!"
The man said, "Sure, if you could do it the Jewish way."
The girl said, "If you teach me to do it the Jewish way, I will give it to you for half price."
The man replied, "That is the Jewish way."

A Jewish couple were honeymooning at Niagara Falls. The boy's money ran out after a week, but he and his bride were having such a good time they wanted to stay longer. So he wired his father for more money. His telegram read: "Dear Dad. It's great here. Want to stay longer. Please send money. Love, Son." The father wired back: "Dear Son. It's great everywhere. Come home. Love, Dad."

But joking aside, is this who we are, the special beliefs we hold, the special clothes we wear, the special foods we eat, the special rituals we follow and the special holidays we celebrate? Aren't these just things we believe, say and do? I mean, are we really born a certain religion? Look at your new-born son, does he have a religion? Did he come out of the womb a Christian, a Baptist, a Methodist, a Sikh or a Hindu? Or did you tell him what religion he was? You know poor kid, he might not even know he's a little boy yet, let alone a Zoroastrian! Maybe the only thing he knows is he's alive and that he's here right now. Maybe right now he's just being himself! But I wonder, in 20 years time, what religious beliefs he'll have then and who he'll think he is then?

We aren't "born into" a certain religion, we're raised in a certain religious climate, around people holding certain religious beliefs, and more often than not we adopt those same beliefs and way of life as our own. But just because we're born of parents who believe in Christ, doesn't make us a "Christian". I mean, strictly speaking, wasn't Jesus the first and last Christian? And some of you maybe wincing by now, because like I say, it is a touchy subject. Some people are extremely identified with their religious beliefs while others not so much so. Most people I know are only part-time religious. Basically, they go to church Sunday morning and for one hour, they're these terrifically devoted