I am unpacked and here now in my adopted home town of "Amsterdamned" … after Poona, it’s not easy living in the world...take dinner for example, first the shopping followed by the cooking… eating takes no time at all... now i have to wash my own dishes… all I am saying is that i am such a commune baby… I mean an Osho Meditation Resort baby… plus, I am a nobody here in Amsterdam... sometimes I’m more "in" in the world then at the Osho Meditation Resort.... funny eh?
Way back when in the here and the now of ’73, the first thing I remember Osho saying is "be in the world, but don’t let the world be in you." …this has never been my strong suit. As soon as I hit the West, I am immediately back in it. My witness which has been fattened up in the Osho Auditorium seems to shrivel up and die in the face of the West and CNN’s version of the truth. Right now, fresh in the west, it is not easy for me to move in the crowd and remain alone… to be alone without being lonely.
Basically my witness went south when I hit the west. I got pretty down on myself… at first, I tried to blame it on jet lag, but it went on too long for that. I came across a quote from Osho that is beginning to get me out my funk. It is from The Dhammapada Vol 5 Chapter #5 Love Knows Nothing of Duty:
"Each child is born beautiful, and then we start distorting his beauty, crippling him in many ways, paralyzing him in many ways, distorting his proportion, making him unbalanced. Sooner or later he becomes so disgusted with himself that he is ready to be with anybody. He may go to a prostitute just to avoid himself."
"LOVE YOURSELF..., says Buddha. And this can transform the whole world. It can destroy the whole ugly past. It can herald a new age, it can be the beginning of a new humanity."
"Hence my insistence on love -- but love begins with you yourself, then it can go on spreading. It goes on spreading of its own accord; you need not do anything to spread it."
"LOVE YOURSELF..., says Buddha. And then immediately he adds: AND WATCH.... That is meditation, that is Buddha's name for meditation. But the first requirement is to love yourself, and then watch. If you don't love yourself and start watching, you may feel like committing suicide."
"Socrates says: Know thyself, Buddha says: Love thyself. And Buddha is far more true, because unless you love yourself you will never know yourself -- knowing comes only later on, love prepares the ground. Love is the possibility of knowing oneself, love is the right way to know oneself."
- Osho, The Dhammapada Vol 5 Chapter #5 Love Knows Nothing of Duty
Plus, Jalaluddin Rumi reminds me so well in the poem:
The Guest House
This being human is the guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
a momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes
because each guest has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
I’ll leave you now with an old story about myself before the ever present witness became apparent to me… in the days way back when if you asked me who am I, I would definitely not say I am that, more likely I would say to you that I am a cowboy.
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle so I guess I am."
She said, "I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."
A little while later, a couple of tourists sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian."